Hmm. How would you handle these situations...
1. Friend I'm very familiar with I trade concert tickets with for him to watch my son while I henna at a fest. I got so busy, he offered to help for a bit, but then never quit-even when I asked him to-left my kid having to sit at my booth for hours. BUT I made good money with his help, so after I cleaned up and found him, I gave him some of the take. (he left just before then end and didn't help me clean and pack, now that I think about it.
THEN he calls and wants to "help" at my next gig. (I'm just getting started as henna artist.) I show him my newly figured cost list, and how much I've spent so far, and say if he wants to pitch in some cash that would work. He leaves.
He texts me a week or so later to see if he can help with my next gig. I tell him I've learned a lot regarding liability and insurance, and if he wants his own henna business, I'd be happy to educate him on what I've learned.
Haven't heard from him since....
Now #2......
A local performer I'm barely acquainted with offers to and does a short gig for free at my wedding party. I offer to henna her for free in return. Cool.
This girl hears I've purchased booth space at the mall for the holidays, and wants to know can I sell stuff for her at my booth for a percentage. I say I'll do it if its legal in the agreement I haven't seen yet/or signed with the mall. THEN>>
A mutual friend/performer hires me to come henna her class. She just called to confirm, then says, Oh so-and-so( the above performer I don't know very well) is going to be there to "help" me paint the class.
How do I handle these and not lose friends and potential friends and clients?
I feel like I'm being put in positions to get used and I'm not the type to let that happen, so I need help being diplomatic not dramatic.
ahhhh, squatters. I had one of those this summer, desperately wanted to tear her a new one, didn't. Still wish I had, some days.
Go, take a deep breath, and count to ten. Real friends don't mess with your program. Sounds like #1 has probably gotten the drift, if not, stay firm and polite with the stance you've already taken, if you don't want his unneeded assistance. You are not obligated to take booth babes becasue THEY want to, only when YOU want to. And this sort of odd behavior may indicate somebody who is unfamiliar with sharing risks and bad days - your friendship may be more damaged in the future over a slow day or a debate over your take. Just tell him gently that, hey, I'm not so busy, I can handle the crowd, but wow, thanks.
#2 you apparently have no obligations to. Again, firm but polite. If you want to let her sell her stuff (which you may not be able to without an additional artist's fee or something, a lot of places want to collect fees from EACH artist, not each spot, be sure to read what you got, good gut feeling on that one) then that's fine, no sweat, except watch the money SUPER carefully if she won't be there. Handling other people's money SUCKS! (I did door for bands for years, just trust me on this one.) Inevitably, there's a debate over $5 that leaves a sour taste in everybody's mouth even when you find the $5 under a chair leg 2 minutes later after the other guy dropped it. As far as your class - if she hired YOU and you alone, she's paying YOU and you alone, unless YOU wanted to hire the other lady as backup or if the client hired her on, too. I'd ask your hiring friend if the gig has changed since your agreement, and manage to delicately ask ahead if she thinks the fee is getting split. If you got your gig in writing, you can remind her of the terms, if you didn't, you may have to gracefully share a space and make sure folks know (NICELY, no snarking!) that the other lady is there to help on the client's request, and she's not attached to your business. Be sincere but don't drip sugar, and don't fib, third parties will pick up on it quicker than you'd believe. If you have to share the gig to keep your mutual friend, it's just one gig, and you'll know in the future to ask carefully about "assistance."
I wish you luck - my squatter was totally unrelated and barely an acquaintance, and I felt no compunction in being business-first and distancing myself from her and her scary paste. Having friends mixed in does make it tougher, but you can do it! :)
Oh, and of course, my caveat - I'm a prickly witch with no w - so maybe somebody else will have a less. . . cutthroat. . . solution. :)
no business arrangements without having it in writing. That protects the friendship as well as everyone's heiny. Keep boundaries firm and fair. Anyone who plans on helping in my booth has to work. If they're booth babing, they have a list of responsibilities which includes helping with set up, tear down and keeping the place clean. If it's an artist, they have to pay me a cut to use the space and pay the booth babe too.
Be gracious and firm. No. 1 clearly has motives which are not in your best interests so if it was me I would decline further assistance.
No. 2
If you are generally a nice person (which you are), you often feel bad saying 'No' outright and people can talk you into doing things. Someone's fleeting comment can feel like a direct request or imposition and you can feel obligated to agree. Sometimes people expect you to say no, but think that they will ask anyway just in case.
No 2 could be based on a conversation like.... 'Oh Lisa is coming to class to henna? Wow that's amazing she is a great artist - hey maybe I could come along and lend a hand?'. To both these people this seems like a great idea, to you it seems a bit of an imposition because an informal chat has impacted on your formal agreement! You weren't present so you don't know what was said exactly.
You could phone up the person who booked you and say that you just need to clarify details for the day to make sure that you make the right preparations and go through timings, costs etc and then enquire how X fits into the event. In a nice way.
In terms of the booth at the mall, you need to see the agreement first to see if it is feasible. You need to know what it is that she is selling and see if you want to be associated with it. Then think about practicalities. The answer you could give is 'it is my first time doing this and I would like to see how it goes before I complicate things by selling your stuff'.
Some people do get interested in what you do, some stick around and become friends, some drift away, you just can't tell until you get to know them a little more and build up that trust between you.
It gets easier, soon Blurberry's comments will be second nature to you and you won't worry about it.
:-)
Whew and there I was feeling like a meanie on both counts. I'm very naiive at first, then usually after I sleep on it, I realize how I'm being taken, and wonder how to set my boundaries tactfully.
I do need help writing up some kind of a general contract. Do ya'll use a separate one for parties and one for festivals and one for privates? If anyone has any points on that I'd be grateful to hear them.
Everyone is so new age and sweet-talking here, I lose my business head with flattery.
actually, that's generally a VERY good habit. :) We all get fired up over stuff, and then, with a clear head, we see it differently and can make a plan.
Words said in anger live on forever. My dad told me that once. He's generally a sourpuss, but he's right on that count. I miss the goal a lot, but I try.
Being nice is a very good thing, and can be a very bad thing too. As with all things, moderation. Spine, not spiny. And no one respects a dishrag. :)
You'll find many of us are bulldogs when it comes to our business rights. Not in a nasty way or overdoing it, just knowing what we CAN realistically ask for or require or whatever, and making sure we get it. Politely. Too many tears, otherwise, for all parties.
so far the performer has taken a no on selling her stuff very nicely,but hasn't answered me about the helping at my gig, so today i call the teacher who asked me to do henna on the class..
So, I called the girl who was actually invited to help by the client, and asked her over for a henna exchange cause I:m already needing an extra artist at events and I like her, so maybe we can work together.
hmmm. now shes gone from coming over for a day before to can't i just come a few minutes before the party?" Says she "thinks" she's hennaed before, but she's very handy, it depends on the tips i use.
Just feel her out with caution, don't promise her anything at all or get her hopes up... If she's already not very into the idea of meeting up with you and sharing henna, then maybe she actually isn't very into getting involved with your business and you don't have as much to worry about as you may think.
The second person sounds like someone to worry about. She could be just a naive person who's unsure of what's going on, or she may be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I heard a wonderful sermon once on how to handle business dealings with friends and family, based on the "Wisdom of Sirach". It basically boils down to this: We try to be 'nice people' and we somehow have the idea that nice people trust blindly. BUT that's not being nice, that's just setting ourself up for an argument. To keep friendships and good relationships, it's better to write down everything. Not necessarily a formal, notarized document for every minor thing, but a "I paid x, John paid y, we'll split the profits 70-30%, my responsibilities are this and his are that" and then you both sign. That way after the end of a long day when you're cranky and haven't had your coffee yet you're not arguing over anything, it's all spelled out.
I tend to tell people "let me just write this down---my memory is SO bad, I'd forget my own head if it wasn't attached" they laugh, I laugh, everyone is happy.
True true. I'm finding that without perfect clarity I get taken advantage of-or at least they try- and the sad part is my close friends do it not my clients! Methinks I need new friends!
The second girl actually called before and the day f the event to see if I'd need her-she'd heard it was only 7 ppl-and she said maybe I didn't need her. I graciously thanked her for offering, and said I could surely handle 7 people, but if she was interested Id like to meet ppl who I cold call for big gigs to share. Now to be very clear on terms and sign it.
Now for the mom-friend who has tried to go from me giving her birthday henna gratis to also giving to her daughter and 2-3 other ppl too. I told her I have a booth the next day and can't be up late the night before, so it's she and her daughter. If it's not late I will pick simple designs for her friends that I need to practice, and they can donate a $5 minimum.
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